I wonder if I’ve wronged many people in my past and that’s the reason I am so sad, so often in my marriage. I really love my husband. I do things to see him smile and be happy. Always have. Bought him a car, installed a stereo in it, always make him feel like a king on special days. He means a lot to me. I’m this way with anyone I choose to devote my heart to. We have two children. Two beautiful girls. I want to be happy. I want to feel like my marriage can make it but everytime we argue or disagree, I contemplate divorce. Like tonight.. I thought we could go to dinner and have a good time. We end up in silence, not getting along, not talking because I asked a questiosn that he didn’t see the point in. Conversation was, and always is, so forced. Like, we have nothing in common. Nothing to talk about. When we get along, I am hopeful that we can make things work. But when we argue, I just want out of it. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now. I spend many nights balling my eyes out while he watches football or sits in his chair sipping a cold beer. I’m crying right now. I’ve cried so much in this marriage, from day one. The night befoer we got married I was crying my eyes out in my car because we were arguing about him not thinking I needed a birthday gift since we were getting married the next day. I paid for the whole wedding and everything tied to it with my bonus. I even bought my own ring. There are many reasons I should move on, I know. My mind says yes a million times over. I’ve set and canceled meetings with divorce attorneys in the past month. It’s like, I’m so unhappy but can’t find the will to walk away. Like I don’t want to stop crying and waking up with red puffy eyes. I’m better than this but why does it seem so hard to convince myself. I truly feel like I’m being punished. I pray to God that if I am, it’s almost over cause i dont’ know how much more I can take.