My cousin is having her wedding in the Seychelles in a year’s time. She sent all the family invitations, along with a helpful list of destination hotel quotes, all of which are around £3000 total, for the week’s accommodation alone. I thought “Quite steep, but it’s nice of her to have done a bit of research and given us an idea of how much we’ll have to pay to go.” However, she had then put a message inside the envelope saying that she and her fiance value the love of their family/friends more than any wedding gift, and although gifts would be very much appreciated, the best present of all would be having us all there on their wedding day.

I understand her wanting her wedding in the place of her choice. I also understand her loving us and wanting us there, but if she wanted that, why didn’t she have her wedding somewhere where all of the family would be able to go, and make the foreign trip their honeymoon? Expecting to have both the exotic location and the full family gathering is ridiculous. Not a single other family member that I know of has that sort of money to spare even with a year to prepare. On top of that, it sounds as if she’s dumping on those of us who, ahem, “choose” not to give them the best present of all by joining them, and just send material gifts instead. It just sounds all wrong. Is it me, or is this badly expressed and insensitive?

Regarding my gift, both the bride and groom’s parents are loaded, so any monetary gift that I give will be dwarfed by their extravagance, so I don’t want to give money. I can’t really afford anything expensive, but I don’t want it to look cheap either. I thought of having a really nice handmade flower arrangement delivered to the bride’s parents house (she still lives at home), or a nice wedding hamper from a gourmet chocolate or food gift company. What do you think?

Thanks
Melissariffic: Thanks – cool toaster comment, by the way! That made me see it from a different angle