We have dated 3 years, with our wedding being 10 months ago. This is a 2nd marriage for both of us. We had each been in long marriages (him 15 years; me 10 years). We had said before we got married that we “weren’t going to get a divorce; that this 2nd time around was for keeps and we didn’t want to put our kids through another divorce.” (he has 3 kids, I have 2 from my first marriage; all kids live with their other parent FT and then with us PT.)

We have had a roller-coaster relationship. We have such highs as a couple, but then also such lows as a couple. I have Bipolar Disorder and DO take my medication. My husband has admitted he has an Anger problem, meaning passive-aggressive, “Tit for Tat” kind of retaliation mentality…so when the two of us fight, we “kitchen-sink” all kind of issues, past & present included
He told me before we got married he had a pot-smoking addiction–that his ex-wife kicked him to the curb b/c of it and then that was the impetus for him to try to “get clean” with NA/AA groups…but I think he was doing it for the wrong reason–for a chance to win his Ex back and his kids. (They did try to “date” after the divorce…but their issues kept them from working things out, so enter me into the picture, 3yrs post-divorce…yeah…I found out after I started dating him that he had tried to reconcile with her…talk about raising my insecurity issues–that’s another story.)
OK, so we’ve had a bunch of fights, break-ups, get-back-togethers, and he had moved into my mobile home when we got engaged. Not only to be a couple officially, but to split bills, b/c I can’t make it on my own, with SSDI and no help financially.
So fast-forward to a couple of fights: and afterward, I find out he would either sleep on a friend’s couch, or his old roommate’s (his best friend) and the next thing I know, he’s talking about moving out on these occasions? (2 times that I remember in the first 2 years of dating…)
OK, fast forward to my b’day week…that’s this August–mid-August…
We are on vacation at a tropical beach location, and this one guy friend of his keeps blowing up his cell phone with lots of ring-tone-identifying calls…but my husband doesn’t answer them in front of me…just makes comments about how the guy is a pest (which is what he’s always said b4, so it didn’t really phase me at this point…) Well, the calls kept continuing during the week, when we’d be in the car on the roadtrip across the state, and I finally asked him why he didn’t just answer the phone and tell the guy that he was on VAC and would just call him when he got back, as these incessant calls were becoming very annoying. So he called him, and I think he got his VM…can’t even remember—not even that important–but he told him that yes, he was on VAC like he told him, and was on the trip with me, and that he didn’t need to be calling, and he’d just call him back when he got home…a nice way of saying “don’t bug me”, right?
Well, the day we were leaving the beach town and decided to go to a souvenir store, we made our purchases and then got back in the car. He had left a baseball cap in the store, and then had 2nd thoughts about buying it, so I encouraged him to go in while I sat in the running car with a/c in the summer heat. So he was in the store maximum 5min, and that darn cell phone of his starts ringing with that same ring tone! And I’m thinking, WTF? Why is this guy still calling? So I just let it ring & ring…and then I hear that the guy left a VM, and I thought, “well, it must be an emergency for this guy to still be calling my husband after his prior call”. Normally, I do not touch my husband’s cell phone. But this was a combination of being annoyed by him vs. wondering what kind of emergency he had that warranted yet another call???
Well, I played back the VM and wish I never had…b/c the pesky friend was saying something to the effect of “I guess you changed your mind about what we talked about because you went ahead and went on vacation …” I heard this, and went from having a happy time on my vacation to INSTANT ANGER…he had done this, YET AGAIN, behind my back, just before leaving on my birthday vacation trip! I was devastated that he was thinking of conniving a plan with this friend of his to move out and divorce me if he was going on vacation with me? I felt duped and used and ridiculously foolish to think I even knew this man who was my husband? So needless to say, the ride home in the car (6 hour-drive) included yelling and finger-pointing, and plans for him to pack up and move out and me file for divorce, etc. etc. It was very dramatic and I cried my eyes out (this was my actual birthday day, of all days that all this went on…talk about ruining a b’day…)
So we get close to home, and he butters me up and says he’s sorry and I forgive him…partially b/c my parents have just flown into town that day and I’m heading back from b’day vacation trip to have to go see my