We are having a destination wedding and due to all of the new airline restrictions, we don’t want to be stuck trying to ship packages home or our guests being burdened with trying to bring packages on the plane.
Wow, just thought I would ask. Since I have never been married before, ALL of this is knew to me. It amazes me how many people actually get angry or annoyed at the questions people ask on this. If you are THAT annoyed by my ignorance to wedding etiquette, I would prefer that you don’t even answer my question. I am sure I will get more than enough proper advice without all the attitude. And thank you for those offering HELPFUL suggestions or alternatives.
Thank you so much for all the helpful suggestions. I really like the “honeymoon” registry one.
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You could mention something like….due to the new airline restrictions, there will be a money tree. And, BTW, I have seem some very elegant, creative, and adorable money trees.
You don’t, you just plain don’t. Your guests will probably be smart enough to figure out the logistics themselves and some might even consider the fact they’re paying a fortune on a vacation centered around you enough of a gift.
Most people, for a destination wedding, either won’t bring the gift with them and will ship it to you themselves, or they will give money. Trust me, they don’t want to haul stuff any more than you do. Asking for anything, money or not, on the invitation, is very rude and low-class.
Do not register for gifts at any stores. Tell your parents and your bridal party that you don’t need any “things” but that money is most welcome, and let them pass the word along. Keep in mind that if people do come to your destination wedding they may not spend nearly as much on a gift as they would if you were having it at home – and some may not be able to get you a gift right away at all. Traveling is VERY expensive. Putting something in the invitation implies that a gift is not only expected it’s required. Please be kind to your guests, give them a little credit, and don’t be rude to them.
how many times do we have to go through this? it doesn’t matter how elegantly you phrase it you do not ask for money it sounds greedy and is just plain crass and trashy.
people attending destination weddings don’t want to pack a gift along, they don’t want to be burdened with the cost of shipping the gift to the wedding site and they aren’t stupid enough to do so. most everyone will do gift cards or cash.
if your concern really is the hassle of shipping gifts you can have your family talk to people and suggest they drop gifts at the house prior to or after the wedding.
however if you are just looking for an excuse to get cash gifts to pay for whatever expenses you have then you are just plain rude. sorry, but you did ask.
Asking for money as a wedding gift sounds tacky.
You can’t really phase it in the invitation without sounding tacky. This kind of thing should be passed by word of mouth. Don’t worry people will ask you and the parents of the bride and groom. We had the same problem. Most of the guest brought a little gift if anything. Typically you get money for the wedding and gifts at the shower. I suggest that if you did register that you would like it mentioned on the REGISTRY you’d like gifts shipped to your place.
You don’t mention gifts in the wedding invitation. If you have a preference, you spread it by the word of mouth, but you don’t put it in the wedding invitation – that would be in very bad taste.
People will use their common sense. If some don’t, just accept the gift graciously, as all gifts should be. I think that it would be very tackie to ask for money gifts. Are you paying for your guests plane faree and hotel and food etc. ? Good luck, have a beautiful day. KP.
Wedding Etiquette clearly states that it is in poor taste to refer to gifts or wedding registries on a wedding invitation. So no need to worry about that. Just don’t register anywhere and let parents and friends know to pass on that you aren’t registered and that you would prefer “monetary” gifts. I thought it was weird that you couldn’t list registry info on the invite but I read in quite a few places that it wasn’t proper etiquette so we didn’t do it. Since you aren’t registering that isn’t a problem but “word of mouth” is the way for you. Good Luck!
I have a lovely friend who enclosed a card in their wedding invitation with a note that read:
K____ and M______ respectfully request that if you would like to give them a gift, their favorite stores are Bed, Bath and Beyond, Target, Williams Sonoma, and (a furniture store). Gift cards would be very much appreciated, however, your “presence” is the only gift we really want.
I didn’t think it was rude or tacky – I was glad to know what they wanted. And, I have to tell you, the pile of cards was HUGE! They made it sound like they didn’t expect gifts, but if you wanted to give one, here’s our favorite stores.
You could do something like this. If people don’t want to do that, then they would probably give you cash.
Good luck – don’t let rude people wear you out!
Try this instead..it’s kinda like asking for money but in a nicer way
Bye Bye Blender
It acts like a wedding registry. I think it’s what I will be doing.
Have you considered making a honeymoon registry, only for the wedding instead of the honeymoon? That might eliminate the whole thing. Instead of cards inside the invitation that say whatever store you’re registered at, give them the contact info for your travel agent, so the guests can plop $50 on a bottle of champagne for your first night together, or a boat ride around whatever island you’re getting married on.
There’s pretty much not a polite way to ask for cash. Most people who are already spending money on a destination wedding will not shlepp giant gifts with them, and, as another answerer already said, they would consider the fact that they’re coming to be a gift to you. You could also register at a store and specify on the registry that guests can only purchase online to have the presents shipped directly to you.
You could also specify something like “your gift to us will be your presence on the island of Oahu,” or “in lieu of gifts, please donate to this charity.” Just don’t ask for cash. It’s not classy.
Hi Victoria:
OK…I will be nice. You can’t ask for monetary gifts.
Now…REALLY….sit back and think about this. Don’t you think your guests have already figured it out? Ummmm….you can’t bring a gift (wrapped) on a plane. They would have to bring it onboard and put it in the overhead thing or under the seat….then wrap it at the destination….pain in the a**. (I fly lots). So, I am assuming that your guests have already thought of this (and then of you having to haul things back), so, really, I doubt that anyone would go through all of that hassle. I am sure your guests are simply bringing a card with a check, cash or a gift card.
No need to mention it on the invitation at all.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding at whatever destination it is!
As you’ve figured out – asking for cash only is not appropriate.
My suggestion is to put a note on your wedding website and maybe even in the invitation stating that “due to the nature of our wedding location, we ask that anyone who cares to give a gift have it shipped to our home rather than bringing it to the reception …” then provide the address. While you aren’t supposed to mention anything about gifts, I sincerely believe that your situation should overlook that.
the etiquette books say: gifts should be sent to the brides home prior to or after the wedding.
You cannot specify money.
Just to explain – the reason people are overreacting is that this is a common question. You really didn’t pay much attention to the results of your archive search. And it isn’t so much wedding ettiquette that it ignores…
Basically any rule which applies to another party also applies to weddings. You wouldn’t invite people to a birthday party (at least not as an adult) and tell them you wanted gifts, or expect them to bring them. The polite fiction at a wedding is that you are wonderfully surprised by gifts (and in real life you aren’t actually counting on them anyhow, right?). Because you aren’t expecting any gifts, your wedding party and immediate family have been nice enough to tell guests who ask them what you and your fiance might appreciate. If your wedding party and family happen to say that you don’t really need anything, and cash might be a good idea, then you may end up with some convenient surprises.
It sounds like you’re not actually wanting to get cash, you just don’t want gifts at the wedding or reception. In many cultures gifts aren’t taken to the reception, so you don’t need to worry about that, as they’ll be shipped to your place. As was mentioned, most people aren’t going to want to take a package on the plane any more than you want them to, so it should all work out.
If you are having a destination wedding, then you could word your invitations like this:
“Due to new airline restrictions, the bride and groom would appreciate guests shipping any gifts to the following address to be received upon their return”
That way you are not coming out and asking for money, but you are also avoiding the complication of figuring out how to get your gifts home from your destination wedding. Most guests would opt for giving a monetary gift if they read this anyway.
Good luck and congratulations!
The bad thing about asking questions here is you will receive answers that run the gamut of being helpful to scolding you. Take it all with a grain of salt and do what you feel is right for you.
It is never a good idea to ask for money…or mention gifts at all. As other have said your guest are probably smart enough to figure this all out for themselves!