I am in the middle here. I have 2 good friends from college that are both getting married (to other people). Friend #1 got married a couple months ago and had a really nice and expensive wedding. Friend #2 went with his fiancee. Both have really good jobs but are planning their wedding, coming up this month. I recently asked Friend #1 if he was coming to #2s wedding and he said he didn’t know because Friend #2 never gave a gift or even a card and he and his wife are disappointed and hurt. Knowing Friend #2, this seems odd to me but I also know that sending a gift after the wedding is technically okay, although I would think that a card would at least be given on the day. I don’t want these guys to have hard feelings because they are good friends. Do I say something to Friend #2 or just stay out of it. We are all college friends and don’t see each other often but we were all very close at that time. Thanks for your help!
Thanks for all of the advice….I think I will just stay out of it!
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STAY OUT OF IT
well probably they got a gift but didn’t say by who..?
or maybe your friend #2 didn’t have money at the time..?
Stay out of it. It is between the two of them.
Friend 2 probably knows why Friend 1 isn’t going but to help calm the waters you could mention it
mind your own business
Stay out of it, but encourage your friends to confront the others. A gift is a silly thing to lose a friend over.
I wouldn’t say anything about it unless friend #2 asks, and even then I would think twice about it. Really, it’s between them, friend #1 will either confront #2, get over the disappointment and move on, or hold a grudge. No matter what their choice, it’s their decision.
My husband I NEVER agree on this. HE READ in Ann Landers that you should never take a gift to a wedding…or a card. IT should be sent or taken to them AFTER the wedding. I say BULL CRAP! I want to take it to the wedding and most brides and grooms EXPECT it that is why they have tables and wishing wells and boxes …right?
So we agreed to disagree. When it is my friend or my family I take the gift..if it is HIS family or HIS friends then we send it or he takes it later.
I don’t think either one is wrong or right. We have disagreed on this for 40 years and there is no middle ground except how we worked it out.
IF IT IS A MUTUAL friend.believe it or not…we flip a coin. ! hahahahaha
I don’t know what to say to your friend except maybe the cards or gift got switched or a card or identification was lost and they don’t know who to ascribe a gift to. This is ALSO why my husband..(.who was a military brat ) puts his name and address and phone number in everything he sends or packs or seals up. It is a great Idea but I don’t do it…HE DOES! I have to admit several times things have gotten lost and it was only due to the name inside that someone KNEW who it was from or who the lost luggage belonged to.
I would forgive it myself. Of course I would also ask if my gift got lost or if they knew they had one from us…because at TWO WEDDINGS…believe it or not..they were STOLEN ! People aren’t honest at weddings sometimes. Not our gifts…but others.
It is also possible their thank you card was lost in the mail. God knows our postal worker gets our mail all messed up and we have complained time and again about getting others mail At least twice a week and I know our mail was given to others. Where we send it back….we have missing bills and even a wedding invitation and an IRS check! I dont’ know where they went…but we never got them..and I think people either take our mail or throw it away if they get it.
I got a letter from someone and in it was 500 dollars in cash. I was shocked. I looked again at the name and address…not looking in the first place because I was on the phone…and found it was two streets down so I took it to them and apologized for opening it. It was money from a grandparent to a teenager for graduation!
So I would mention it…you don’t know what happened. Then after telling this friend about losing things in the mail etc.. I would stay out of it and let them settle their own problems.
Well, to start, I think it’s pretty petty of Friend #1 to be hurt by not getting a gift or card…that’s not why you invite people to a wedding. They are wrong. And to be hurt by that after so many years of friendship…come on!
If you talk to anyone, it should be Friend #1 not Friend #2. I’ve been planning weddings since 1994, and EVERYONE does not bring a gift nor a card. It may be intentional for whatever reason, or they may have forgotton. Being that Friend #2 is in the middle of planning their own wedding, they may have a lot on their mind. Either way Friend #1 should let it go.
Though, because I’m just that kind of person, I would casually ask Friend #2, “hey, what did you guys get Friend #1 for their wedding?” And see what happens.
Seriously I’d tell Friend 1 that you never have another opportunity to see this person’s wedding. Yes you were hurt. If they were close friends you would have said something at the time. I had a couple close friends that I bluntly asked b/c I was SURE they would have given a gift and I was scared I had lost it. So I asked. They hadn’t. One said he didn’t have the cash and I said don’t worry about it. The other went on and on with stories about “I left it at home. I’ll give it to you next time you are in town”. He kept mentioning it for months. I was so upset since at his wedding we’d spent a fortune. He was a BEST FRIEND so I spent several hundreds and he didn’t even get a card for me. But he is divorced and at his next wedding I’m just giving a card.
Seriously tell friend if you ever hope to repair the friendship you really have to go to the wedding. Still upset that he didn’t give a gift? Than just give a card. But go to the wedding. That’s an important day and if you ever become friends again you’ll be upset that you didn’t go.
Tell him your opinion but after that stay out of it. Don’t tell the Friend 2 about to get married. If Friend 1 wanted him to know he would have told him. And Friend 2 has enough stress right now. Who knows? He might have been in dire straits right then and unable to afford anything. They should talk about it but if they don’t want to, stay out of it. Nothing you can do.
I agree stay out of it let them settle what happened.
If I were you I would stay out of it. You are not obligated to give a gift, weddings are not fund raisers. I know you should give a gift, but you certainly don’t have to. Maybe they forgot, maybe they didn’t have the money. Either way, it has nothing to do with you, and you shouldn’t get involved. I live in NJ and people all over the world don’t give gifts like we do. Where did these college friends grow up? If it was in the south, big gifts are not the tradition there.
I never gave a hoot who gave me what. My husband holds a grudge or 2, but getting money and gifts is not the point of having a wedding.
I would DEFINITELY stay out of it. And, regardless of what many people seem to think, gifts are completely and totally voluntary, it is not mandatory to give a gift just because someone is getting married. It is customary, but not required.
Definitely stay out of it.
In order to keep your relationship with both of them healthy — stay out of it.
Stay out of it. If you get involved, both of them may end up angry at you.
don’t get in the middle of this – its their problem. and before you know it whatever advice you give will be misconstrued or gossiped about and you will be on both couple’s poop-list! let them sort out their own problems sweetie!