Can you switch bridesmaids after you’ve told the girls the lineup?
by techdude on Thursday, July 29th, 2010 | 18 Comments
I selected my bridesmaids this past spring when I got engaged and now I want to switch some…is that too cruel? My wedding isn’t until May so I still have plenty of time and no one has purchased their dresses yet. My problem is that my maid of honor hasn’t helped plan anything, or even offered to help with anything. One of my other friends that I hadn’t originally selected to be in the wedding party is helping with everything. Should I change the girls or just leave it as is? I don’t want to lose a friend over this. The biggest problem is that my MOH lived 2 minutes away from me when I selected her, and now she lives almost 2.5 hours away. I’m stuck…..any suggestions?
Do not switch it up. It would look SO tacky if you did. Trust me.
Just keep the girls you have and give the girl who is helping you a lot a nice gift and thank her so much for doing all she has for you.
I wouldnt switch. It will cause a bad riff in your friendship.
It’s your wedding, you can do anything you want.
Of course, switching bridesmaids will earn you some enemies, so if that’s what you want to live with after you’re done with one day of expensive celebration, then go ahead.
If you want to switch, you can offer money, a draft pick, plus a bridesmaid to be named later.
I would not switch the girls….the MOH may come through with planning your shower and bachelorette party since your wedding is not until May. If you want to recognize your friend who has been helping you, try to fit her in the bridal party…maybe she can be a hostess or even read a poem at your wedding. Get her a corsage as well so she can feel like she is a part of the wedding.
Do not switch up. It will ruin the friendship, or at the very least damage it badly.
Recognize your helpful friend in some other way. Add her as a bridesmaid, without removing any of your other maids. Or ask her to do a reading. Or give her a special gift. Or write her a special letter, thanking her and expressing your gratitude for her friendship. Give her a corsage, and recognize her in the program as an “honorary” bridesmaid.
You have many options. You need to select one that will not damage your other friendships.
unfortunately this isnt one of those things that you can change without looking like a completely horrible person. changing them would cause a fight and other people involved in the wedding might get caught up in your fued and it could be catastrophic.
If there is anything at your MOH can do to help then ask her whether its picking up invitations or helping you pick out wdding flowers
If you ask her to help out then im sure she would go out of her way to do so
As for those who you didnt select to be your bridesmaids but are still helping out, let them know how much you aprriciate their help and maybe find a role fro them in the wedding too. Or maybe all their generosity could be rewared by seating them with people you like at the reception. Or maybe organise a girls day for when you get your hair and make up done for the wedding so they can come along too.
Depending on how much they helped out maybe something more than a thankyou would be approapriate
I think since it is your wedding than you can switch it up. If someone is not helping than get rid of them. You need someone to help you because you are going to be super stressed out during this time and need good supportive bridesmaids. Good luck and congrats!
Your MOH moved and is not longer close enough to be at your beck and call. Use the phone, internet and e-mails to keep her in the loop and ask her opinoin and/or help. Changing the order is tacky and will not earn you brownie points.
Yes. It is cruel. First, you still have a lot of time until your wedding. What could a friend that lives 2.5 hours away really be doing to help you at this point? Its a little harsh to boot her just because she moved. Second, you can’t just unask someone to be in your wedding. You WILL hurt her feelings and it WILL effect the relationship. If you wanted to add another bridesmaid because this other person has been so helpful, then that would be fine, but switching them would be really awful. Besides, have you told your MOH what you expect of her? Maybe she doesn’t even know you need her help. People aren’t mind readers, you know. You can’t just expect them to guess what you’re thinking or even know that you expect help when you haven’t told them. You have to ask for help. All of my bridesmaids except for two live at least an hour away. I can’t expect them to travel back and forth every weekend to help me pick out favors or decide on flowers. It would be an unfair expectation on my part. I knew when I asked them that they wouldn’t be able to do much until closer to the day. They’re my friends, not my personal wedding servants. You ask people to be in your wedding because you love them, not because you need them to help you with the wedding. Why don’t you talk to your MOH and tell her you need a little more help with the wedding. Maybe she could look stuff up on the internet for you and e-mail you pictures. I’m not trying to be mean by telling you this. I just want to point out that from your description, your MOH hasn’t done anything awful to you. Being too far away to help just isn’t a good enough reason to ruin a friendship.
Don’t change it! It will hurt there feelings. Me I’m in a similar situation i just go with the flow but you know you’ll never know things might change.
Add your friend as a bridesmaid if you’d like, but don’t kick your other friend out.
I would not switch brides maids, just give the one thats helping you a special gift in addition to the gifts already chosen for your brides maids. How about a spa treatment she is gonna need some rest when this is all over.
i would make a detailed list of things that still need accomplished and i would include the list of the bridal party, their title, and what responsibilities come with that title. you could simply say this in a short note~
I realize my wedding isn’t till May but I am becoming more and more excited with each passing day. As the time draws nearer and nearer I hope to not have to worry about any last minute things that haven’t been handled and as my bridal party i rely on you tremendously. I realize that some of our situations have changed since I first announced that I was getting married and it may not be as easy taking care of your responsibilities to me as my bridal party as first thought. if anyone has any concerns or wishes to downgrade in what i need from you, please let me know……….
Maid Of Honor isn’t all about free labor, so don’t base who you pick on how much they can help. If you do change your lineup think very carefully about who you want your friends to be after the wedding day is done and gone. If you don’t care, do anything you want.
Bottom line is, it’s your wedding, your day, your way.
You can add NEW additional people to your bridesmaids line up, but you cannot “fire” a bridesmaid or “de-mote” anyone, once you have asked them. It would be extremely rude to do so– there’s really no excuse for it.
People can be MOH regardless of geographical distance. (Unless you think you need her nearby to wait on you hand and foot, or something, which is not a MOH’s or bridesmaids’ job, ever!)
They say there are two occasions that bring out the ugly in people and thats weddings and funerals. Unfortunately she hasn’t stepped into her role as MOH yet but maybe she will come around to it soon. If you feel as though she is not doing her part as she should I would just pull her aside and ask her what she plans to do as a MOH in a joking manner. Don’t come off nasty when you have the conversation with her. My dad told me that in weddings you will come to see who your real friends are and who is actually there for you as they should be, you will win some and lose some. Don’t count her out just yet. Maybe she has other things she has going on that may be a little bit more pressing for her at this moment.
TALK to your MOH before you do ANY switching and find out what is up.
My MOH (and my two bridesmaids) are both 2 1/2 hours away from me. Distance should not be an issue.
Have you asked her to do things? How do you KNOW she isn’t doing anything? Does she have contact with your other bridesmaids?
Your wedding is in MAY, so you’ve got plenty of time.